Monday (still)
Going slightly mad.
Used to suffer from IBS but haven’t suffered from it for years now. Then today I had an angry call from my boss, went for a walk to calm down and was almost doubled up in pain with the same old symptoms I used to get. Had a snicker bar and it made me feel better so I think the stress coupled with a bit of hunger may have had an effect. But weird that I’m getting these pains again now.
So far I’ve had a dream about masturbating which although I didn’t cum I was nearly there at – first one in years; I’ve had severe IBS type cramps and I keep wanting to cry at the smallest things and feel really irritable. And I’m only 5 days in, so absolutely no physiological reason for any of this! Once I’m past 7 days what am I going to be like???!!!! 
And this was the girl who swore blind she wouldn’t take any notice of the silly symptoms that probably have nothing to do with it all. And was seeing this cycle as a test run with no expectation for a positive at all.
How things change once you’re actually in it!!
Parents arrive from France tomorrow for a couple of days so expecting lots of questions about how things are going. At the moment I’m promising myself that I’ll just be firm and reiterate that I will tell them as soon as there’s something to tell. But the emotional rollercoaster I seem to be on just shouts that I’m bound to crumble and tell them everything! And then I’ll massively regret it and beat myself up all over again for not being able to keep secrets! I’m rubbish!!
